26 March 2016


I can't believe it.
It has been a year since the day I meet you.
From the first glance,
I can feel that we might have the greatest chemistry,
as you smile, as you laugh,
everything just seems so bright.
You brighten my darkest part of life.

But I know, I knew it just now.
It wasn't for me 100%.
you have her on your side.
Now, whenever and wherever we go,
she was there too.
I can only smile to your antics.
You seem so happy with her.
I don't wanna ruin your day.

Knowing that you won't be mine alone.
Knowing that you can't be mine alone.
Knowing that I won't be here anymore.
Knowing that this took me a lifetime.
I won't, I can't, be here anymore.

I can only watch it from afar.
Your shadow has gone so far from mine.
You're so close yet so far for me to reach out.
I might not be needed anymore.
You're mad when I said that.
To you, friends are much more than lovers.
I feel so happy. But it still hurts.

The day you gave me the letter.
I smiled and cheered for you.
But there's nothing left for me.
I will keep all of my memories with you.
I will cherish them like my own life.
That will end soon. Sooner than I thought.
Goodbye love. Goodbye friend. Goodbye nothing.

Knowing that you won't be mine alone.
Knowing that you can't be mine alone.
Knowing that I won't be here anymore.
Will you remember me forever?
Will you say my name anymore?
Will you?

  • Music: G-Dragon - Shake The World
  • Mood: Melancholic (AS IF! HAH!)
  • Location: mah room!

24 March 2016

Insecurities In My Life.... :(

i've been stalking into my own blogger page for quiet some times now, and yet i have nothing to write.
idk. if before i can easily confess everything in my social account, now i'm being a lil bit picky about things that i gonna share with people although they're my friends.
i've been having lots of kind of insecurities plus my dad who never help with anything to make overcome it. he only knows how to make it worse.
day by day i've been looking down to myself on stupid things. like how ugly am i? how stupid am i? how people see me? how people thought of me? how well did i talk with people? should i just shut my life out from people? should i just stay quiet? everything keeps on playing on my mind.
sometimes i get at things without any reason. sometimes i find it safer to just stay in the room and feed myself with things that i love.
people keeps on wishing me so that one day i will find my true love and married soon.
but that's not what i want. i know it's necessary. sometimes i get jealous too. but that's not my goal in life.
people might say "you're 24 now. go find a partner. go find a lover or husband". but i'm sorry. that's not me. when there's one, then there is. but if there's none, i don't care. i wont' search for it.
when or who is my partner is not human to decide it for me. God has it's better judgement.
sometimes, i thought to myself, maybe i'm just a nerd who need to get a life. live like a normal person. stop watching kpop, jpop, anime n read mangas. go out more to see the world. n stop being an ugly potato.
but what for? it's not like people love be friends with me. it's not like i have lots of friends.
i wanna start a gaming channel. but i am too shy to talk on the microphone and people might bash me for being so stupid and should stop recording or whatever.. lol.
idk. i have so many n many kinds of insecurities. i don't even know how to cure myself. should i go and see a psychiatrist? or counselor? :(

  • Music: R.O.D by G.Dragon ft CL
  • Mood: Sleepy
  • Location: Workplace

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