Insecurities In My Life.... :(

i've been stalking into my own blogger page for quiet some times now, and yet i have nothing to write.
idk. if before i can easily confess everything in my social account, now i'm being a lil bit picky about things that i gonna share with people although they're my friends.
i've been having lots of kind of insecurities plus my dad who never help with anything to make overcome it. he only knows how to make it worse.
day by day i've been looking down to myself on stupid things. like how ugly am i? how stupid am i? how people see me? how people thought of me? how well did i talk with people? should i just shut my life out from people? should i just stay quiet? everything keeps on playing on my mind.
sometimes i get at things without any reason. sometimes i find it safer to just stay in the room and feed myself with things that i love.
people keeps on wishing me so that one day i will find my true love and married soon.
but that's not what i want. i know it's necessary. sometimes i get jealous too. but that's not my goal in life.
people might say "you're 24 now. go find a partner. go find a lover or husband". but i'm sorry. that's not me. when there's one, then there is. but if there's none, i don't care. i wont' search for it.
when or who is my partner is not human to decide it for me. God has it's better judgement.
sometimes, i thought to myself, maybe i'm just a nerd who need to get a life. live like a normal person. stop watching kpop, jpop, anime n read mangas. go out more to see the world. n stop being an ugly potato.
but what for? it's not like people love be friends with me. it's not like i have lots of friends.
i wanna start a gaming channel. but i am too shy to talk on the microphone and people might bash me for being so stupid and should stop recording or whatever.. lol.
idk. i have so many n many kinds of insecurities. i don't even know how to cure myself. should i go and see a psychiatrist? or counselor? :(

• Music: R.O.D by G.Dragon ft CL
• Mood: Sleepy
• Location: Workplace