05 February 2011

When The Love Can't Be Shown

hello everyone! are you having a nice day today? :3
for me, i'm NOT! it's too hot to make me feel comfortable with the weather! i want RAIN! RAIN!!!! not 'that' RAIN (korean artist). =_=

hurm... nobody wants to talk to me anymore. i'm so lonely...
even though i hate guys (i'm not lesbian!), but i'm wondering how do you feel when you're having a lover? hm...
it's not like me at all to become this 'Jiwang'. lol.
but, i just keep on wondering on that.
maybe they said the right thing. when you hate that person, you will love that person one day.
the same happened to me. but, it's a bit different i guess. >.<

i was in love with this boy when i was in form1 in my high school.
but i never told him that. it's a one sided love... sadly. T-T
but there's so many things happened in between us. (okay, i'm blushing!!!! >////<)
maybe at that time, luck always by my side.
when our class were asked to do a group project, we always in a same group. since my friend were close to that boy's friend. (i'm so lucky at that time i guess. huahaha)
and sometimes, maybe it was too obvious that i was blushing when we were doing a group discussion.
i couldn't even look up, i'm blushing like crazy, and i can't stop smiling (but i tried to hold it as much as i can!) lol!!! >////<
it was so embarrassing to sit in the same row with the one you like (in my opinion).

but, the happy moment (for me) stopped when i was in Form 2.
my hidden feeling was exposed to the class when one of my so-called-'friend' leak the secret. *annoyed*
at that time, i feel like i wanted to jump from the upper level of my school! i want to runaway from the school!
started from that moment, i said to my friends that, i hate that boy. i really hate him.
it's not like it was his fault. but, i just wanted to forget about my feeling towards him! what a horrible nightmare for me! huh! x(

after that, i tried as much as i could to avoid meeting with that boy at anywhere! except for in the class... i can't do anything about that. =_=
but, the more i try to avoid him, the more we met.
we almost bumped to each other at the staircase, in front of the class door, at the canteen, at anywhere! D:
i even walked behind him when i was about to enter the school in the morning. all i can do is to keep my head down and looked at my own feet as i walked, prayed so that he didn't looked behind him (me). >~<

and it goes on until we graduated from our high school...
i keep on telling myself that i hate him. but, the more i said that, the more my heart hurts. i lied to my own heart am i? sadly but i can't show my own feeling towards the one i love (it's a one sided love, so what to expect more from that??)
(but it turned out to become like, "love-hate-miss", you know)
it hurt when your love can't be shown right? yea, i know. but at least, we have someone that we cared so much even though he/she didn't know that, we can still prayed for his/her happiness. prayed so that he/she will live a better life out there, somewhere in this world. :)

what am i blabbering about??? ugh! hurm...
readers: shut up now, Mika! you're so annoying!
Me: wut? uuhukk... T^T okay, bye2...

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